Things Don’t Change, We Do!

by Janie Behr

I have been going to the same bank for 25 years and have become known by many of the long time employees there as a good listener. Recently I had an interesting conversation with one of the tellers, which I would like to share with you.

I had no sooner extended my normal, “How’s it going?”, then she began an instant download about her thirty two year old son whom she can’t get to leave home. She went on about how he does not work, help with living expenses or even clean up his room. I just smiled and listened intently to her story until she said something so juicy so ripe for a reply. I could not let it pass.

She said, “I can’t wait for next year to get here.” I asked why, she replied, “Because it has to better than this year.”

“Why is that?” I asked,

“Just because it is a new year, I guess; maybe things will change.” She responded.

I told her that the only problem with her theory is that life is much like watching a poorly written and produced play: The next act will be no better than the last one. Likewise, she will have the same son living in the same home in two weeks as she does now- nothing will change but the dates.

If thirty years hasn’t done it, a week, a month, another year doesn’t stand a chance. At that point, I was moved to share one of my favorite sayings with her, “things don’t change, we do.”

She laughed and said, “Exactly right…. now, tell me what that means.”

I told her that it meant that if she did not address the problem now, next year would be a repeat of this one. Beyond that, perhaps the real problem isn’t her son, but rather how she feels about herself regarding her son. I suggested that she had two choices. Either one of them would work if she could make peace with them.

1. She could change her mind about her willingness to tolerate the situation even a day longer and muster up the courage and self acceptance to request that he leave and mean it.

2. Or, she could choose to change her perception and accept him and the circumstances just as they are and turn it into a non-problem.

Either choice would require a certain degree of acceptance and change on her part, but the result would be some sense of inner peace.

How about you?

Is there an issue going on in your life today that you are hoping will just sort of magically change by itself next year? Generally, that is not how to rid yourself of your problems, is it? As Mark Twain said, “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”

Perhaps, like my teller friend you need to look clearly at your issue, thus bringing you the most authentic experience of inner peace possible. What can you do today to begin to deal with your problem in a proactive manner? What action can you take? It might include, asking a trusted friend, mentor or counselor for some support, and honest feedback. It could also include making space available in your mind and heart for God’s presence to be more fully revealed. With your willingness, that presence becomes an incredible guidance system. Isn’t it great to know you always have a choice?

Make a decision today to either accept what is or do something about it. Stop swimming in the river of denial because it is polluted with hidden resentment (toward yourself as well as others) and fear and because it gets you nowhere fast.